Something really great happened this week and today is a great day to share it:
I am so thankful for God's grace and guidance and especially his promise. I have been in and out of depression since I had my baby boy about a year ago. Some days I can just push through it all, some days are just so difficult I feel as if I just can't go on. I have had great support through all of it. My husband has helped me above and beyond, my parents have helped me, my sister-in-law has supported me, my friends have supported me, my boss has even helped me without him really knowing he has helped.
I tried taking St. John's Wort because I didn't want to be on any drugs. It helped a little while, but then it kinda just stopped helping. Nothing really helped. Throughout this entire journey I turned to the Lord in prayer, asking him to help me through this. I asked why. I couldn't understand why. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life...and I was just miserable at times. I had gotten pretty good at hiding it, which wasn't a good idea because it felt like what I was going through was being ignored. I felt like nobody cared about me. Nobody.
I was really looking forward to vacation and "getting away from it all." That doesn't happen now that I am a Mom to a one year old. Vacation took effort and I was tired the entire time. Don't get me wrong, it was a wonderful time and I have wonderful, incredible memories with my precious baby boy. But I had different expectations of what vacation was like before him and it was change that I didn't think about. I know NOW.
So this weekend, J and I finally made it back to church. We have missed for almost 2 months due to Lil'D being sick so much and being away on weekends and going on vacation. At first my heart wasn't into it. I just didn't feel like worshiping. My mind was racing with things like the house being a mess, clothes weren't washed yet, WAS I EVER GOING TO GET IT TOGETHER? Once Pastor B started his sermon I finally let go and listened. After the sermon we had communion. I just gave everything to Him. I really gave it ALL to the Lord. I can't explain it. It was definitely different than the many times I had come to him before. I felt something lift from me. It was an amazing feeling. I re-dedicated my life to him and it felt so wonderful.
This week has really been different. Even though things haven't been easy this week, I feel differently about things. I have a different attitude about it, I feel empowered by His strength. I really feel it. I have been reading the Word every morning. I have been praying every morning like I used to. I am not loosing my patience like I was before. I haven't felt like breaking down and crying at all. I have faith that the Lord wants me well and He can heal me if I would just trust him and let him. I am feeling like my old self this week and it is simply wonderful. I give ALL the glory to my savior Jesus Christ. Without him I would sink even farther. No sinking for me!!!
Hope everyone has a blessed rest of the week and an excellent weekend!!