December 1, 2008

Moving on...

Did you know that 20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage? If you have had one live birth and one miscarriage you have a 10% chance to miscarry again. I found that women in their late 30s have an 18% risk of miscarriage. You always hear these things, but secretly pray and pray that it will never happen to you.

I was pregnant. I took a test and was positive on Thursday, November 6th. Went to the doctor and got an official blood test. I was so excited. It had taken us only 5 months. My due date was July 12th, 2009. I immediately made my first pre-natal appointment, subscribed to all the pregnancy newletters by email, dreamed about my new sweet baby, thought about names, you know, the whole shebang. I was only 5 weeks.

On Tuesday, November 18th I started spotting. I called the doctor immediately and went in for a test that charts my pregnancy hormones. I continued to bleed and was in a little pain. I took another blood test on Thursday. On Friday morning the doctor confirmed my greatest fear. The pregnant hormones were not rising anymore, they were descending. I missed almost 3 days of work because I just didn't want to go through this there. I was emotionally up and down. The weekend passed as if it were a dream. I took another blood test on Monday morning and Tuesday they said that my numbers were coming down and a good pace and I would probably not need a D&C. The doctor wants me to go through 2 full cycles before trying again.

What a crazy emotional rollercoaster that was. I'm still up and down. I went in for my last blood test this morning just to make sure that I still don't need to D&C. I have spoke to several people who have 2 miscarriages in a row that are my age. I fear another.

But I have to go through the fear to bring another life into our family. The Lord has given me strength and reassurance through this trial. I am thankful to have had this happen at 6 weeks rather than 20 weeks or something way worse. I have a child in heaven now. I will be reunited with him/her one day.

It's time to move on and go on with life.
I just wanted to share this with all the people in my life that I don't see everyday and may be many, many miles away.


Kaydee said...

You know I didn't tell you about mine until after my katydid was born. I think we would be shocked at how many of our friends have lost a baby during pregnancy. It is one of those things that women sometimes feel the need to go through alone. Thank you so much for sharing and being open about it.

You are stronger than you think and God knows that you have so much love to give and Lil D would be spoiled beyond recognition if you bestowed it all on him!

Remember - Feel how you feel and then pray about it.

I love you.

TLC said...

you don't know me but I'm so sorry for what happened... my brother and his wife have tried a few times and lost thru miscarriage also. I'm a new grandma and it was so hard to tell my brother - I know he was happy for my DD but...
Anyways I just wanted to let you know that someone else is praying for you & your family - so glad that you shared.

Jenny @ Daily Dose of Motherhood said...

Oh hon, I am so very sorry. I had no idea and I'm sorry I'm so late in reading this.

The Lord is good and his loving arms are around your family at all times. I'm so glad you know and believe that.

And thank you for sharing this with us. My prayers are with you!